selfish or selfless. it’s all in your perspective.

I was late to hear the news of the passing of Alexander McQueen. I guess I was under a rock called work and daily life. I learned the news 4 days after, which in the “old” days would be a normal amount of time, but by today’s standards it’s equivalent to about a month. I think I need to check my twitter settings!
The news came to me, more or less, as a byproduct of news of another creative person ODing. It should be duly noted that I do not have any personal relationship to either of them. Yet, all this sadness got me thinking about the relationship between creativity and emotional instability. There was one phrase going through my mind as I pondered what it feels like to create art, that is, “we, who create art, feel too much”. I’m not sure if that sounds separatist, elitist, or what… I don’t mean to put creative people on any pedestal, by any means, but creative people do function differently than non creative people.
Creative people have one method of expression and that is emotion. They are born without the filters needed to function within what we know as society. Those filters are what help non creative people balance in this world, make sound judgments, and basically not go overboard. I believe we all feel the same broad spectrum of emotions, whether they are dark or light, but non creative folks can filter them and compartmentalize and forge through life with less difficulty finding balance.
This theory of mine may be why we have creative genius like McQueen and patrons. Patrons see and feel what they have themselves touch upon in the deepest parts of themselves but did not have the ways or means to express. Patrons talk about the passion in McQueen’s and other great artists work. They see and feel the pain and torment in Pollock’s paintings. They taste the ardors of love in Neruda’s poetry. Patrons, I believe, are grateful that great art exists so that they can connect to their own deep seeded emotions.
Yet, what it leaves for the creative person, in the end, is a feeling of lonesomeness. Often, a creative person puts all their passion and zeal for life in their work with the hope that someone will connect, understand them, and reach out to them with the same intensity. Love them, as an individual, with the passion they have placed on the table for the world to see. They expose themselves with great courage and are often faced with the reality that it is not commonplace in society to completely expose oneself. They battle constantly between reality and fantasy, for reality can truly be unbearable for them.
Suicide might very well be selfish when we have the perspective that we are not alone in this world. The perspective that there most definitely is someone who does indeed love you with all the passion and respect that they can muster within themselves to put forth to you. I believe that perspective is a gift to some and takes incredible self awareness and is work for others.
In reading the news reports on the tragic loss of McQueen, one comment that stood out to me was this from Hilary Alexander, “Fashion requires intensity, passion, determination, will, enthusiasm and energy — McQueen had all of those; perhaps, what he lacked in his own life, was love.”
Rest in peace Mr. McQueen and thank you for your courage.

man does not die when he ceases to live but when he ceases to love